I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
