So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Randomize
