I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
