I can text with my tongue
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
