porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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