There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
