I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
