Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
you made out with another girl for some wings
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
