i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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