my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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