We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
