Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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