okay pat passed out under dana's car
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
