I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Randomize
