I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
