I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
