Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
