i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Randomize
