i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
