there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
