i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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