I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
