I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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