forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
