she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Randomize
