Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
