distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
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