The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Randomize
