I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
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