Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Randomize
