Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
