he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
