I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
