i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
