plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
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