I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I wish my penis had an off switch
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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