Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
