i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
