I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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