yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Randomize
