Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
