i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
