WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
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