I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
