i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
