Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Randomize
