Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
