Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Randomize
