I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I love having hate sex.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Randomize
