I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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