Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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